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I've never been married but I lived with a girl for a couple years who was aware of my bondage fetish.
In fact, the reason we get together was that she was into the same stuff, although not nearly to the same degree.
I'm different, I guess, from many here in that it's the power of an image to excite me that matters.
A lot of guys (and not just the ones who have the fetish) don't have the social skills that endear them to women, and they go their whole lives never learning what it takes to attract them.
What you can't do in real life you can enjoy, vicariously, though the actions of the villain in whatever media you are consuming.
Thus, your metaphor for dragging her by the hair and forcing yourself upon her is an appealing scenario.
I suggest you read (or re-read) "First They Came," by Martin Niemoller. Rather than suggesting reading material for us, you should first work on your own reading comprehension, then take another crack at the posts you completely missed the point of below.
So please, highlight the offending imaginary text that backs up the wild assertion you just made.